I feel like I am Derek Boogaard of the Minnesota Wild Hockey team right now.  I know my role on the ice but I feel like I need more game time! There's about 5min left in the game and they put me out on the ice to go take care of business, the only problem is there is no trash to take out, and I am playing with supper stars and they are leading the NHL in points, and here I am leading the NHL in PIM (penalties in minuets) and Sidney Crosby just danced around me and I just gave him a break away to pull a triple deak like in Mighty Ducks to burn my goalie and put a nice backhander in the top shelf of the net!  Let me break it down for you, I feel like there are many ups and many downs in my life.  And that is ok, I know that's life.  And life is not fair and things happen for a reason, but I feel like I get defeated even before the game is over.  Hey there are 5min left in the game, I can still go out there and give it my all and tally up a goal and send it to over time, and hey if I lose the game, that's ok to.  But I no in the long run I am going to win and going to succeed and hold that Stanley Cup over my head like a champion.  The champion is in me, I just have to break out on my own and get my own break away. 

After that little story here is what's going on in my life.  I feel tired and exhausted and feel like I have no strength at all.  My family could use prayer as there are a lot of things going on.  But I don't want to give up, I want to be strong for me and others.  I want to set a good example as well.  I am VERY excited for this next year to come around.  I know God has a plan for me and I am pretty sure I know what it is! I am ready to break out and show the world I can get the game winner and the 1^st star of the game.

The Pictures Below: 1st one is Derek Boogaard taking out the trash.  The 2nd picture is Sidney Crosby scoring the game winner.  The 3rd picture is Scott Stevens holding the Stanley Cup over his head, a good victory!

There are not many times in my life when I really get down, and cry, and show my emotions.  Don't get me wrong, I cried a few times before the trip.  But I have not cried since I have been down here in Atlanta.  I don't know why.  There were a few times this weekend at Disciple Now when I wanted to.  My heart broke for these boys.  We got totally real.  Nothing was forgotten.  Nothing was left out.  All our sins were thrown out.  All our struggles were talked about.  All our love for God was talked about, and shown through our actions.  It was a weekend filled with joy and seriousness.  I had a goal for this weekend.  I wanted to do the packets that we were assigned, but I wanted to take it a few steps further.  The more comfortable we got with each other, the more the guys spilled their guts.  I was really talking to God this weekend and I decided to do some hands-on exercises with the guys.  One day we wrote down all the sin in our life on a sheet of paper.  All the sin we are living in, including me.  Then on the other sheet of paper we wrote down one thing we know is holding us back from having a better relationship with God.  We prayed.  Then I prayed for the boys that God would forgive us and we could start a new life with God.  It was really an incredible time with God and the guys.  The reason I wanted to go deep, and get real, and expose myself with everyone is it was time for a reality check.  It was time to stop living a sugar coated life.  It was time to wreck these guys and shake them up.  And it worked!  Wouldn't you know that almost all the guys were struggling with the same thing!?  I wasn't shocked, but they were.  They couldn't believe it.  It brought them closer together as a group.  We also talked about God's check list that he doesn't have.  I had them write down sins they have commited.  We talked about it and I asked them which sin was the worst.  They agreed on which one was worse.  All I had to say was I am sorry guys, you're wrong.  "Killing a Man" is no worse than "Stealing a car".  A SIN IS A SIN.  God does not have a check list of sins in heaven.  I had to make sure that no guys felt WORSE for his actions and sins.  Because they're all sins!  It was an amazing time.  I am trying to explain it but I can't.  I don't know what to say to help you understand what went down in that house.  I wanted to make sure these boys were wiped clean of there sins.  So one by one I took the guys outside. I showed them there a sheet full of sins and I burned it in front of their eyes.  I burned it and put it in a pot full of the other boys ashes.  Then I prayed for them and I got on my knees.  As I was on my knees praying, I took their shoes and socks off and washed their feet.  All in all, it was an amazing experience.  I will never forget it.  On Sunday, at church, we gathered as a group and the boys went up and said so many compliments about me and the weekend,  It was the best thing that has happened to me in a while. 

Some highlights of the weekend that were fun.

1. I went to bed Friday morning at 4 am and awoke at 4:15 am by a screaming alarm meant for truckers. 
2. Josh Gross was talking bad about the Cadillac, saying it was an old man's car.  So I told him that my gas tank was open and asked him if he could shut it.  He got out and I drove away and made him walk the rest of the way to church.  It wasn't too long of a walk, but it was hilarious.
3. Some of the guys went paintballing and I showed up at the end and asked one of the boys if I could shoot him while he ran.  He agreed, and asked for a five second head start.  Two seconds later I was drilling him with pink paintballs and he was screaming and took off running while getting pelted.  Then Tyler veered left and he took a big spill/fall right into the woods.

First of all, thank you for your financial support.  I am now fully supported through July.  I no longer need any additional funds sent to Adventures in Missions on my behalf.  If you'd like to continue supporting this ministry, I'm sure Adventures in Missions would appreciate additional gifts.  All the support I need has been raised.  Thank you so much!

I have a busy week ahead of me.  On Wednesday night I have church to attend which is always a good time.  I enjoy all the kids, and hanging out with the guys.  I get extra excited about Thursdays.  This is the day of ministry.  For the past six weeks I have been working closely with Jay Cotton.  He started working with us a few months back and he is Robin's son.  How would I describe Jay?  He is like a small looking me… somewhat.  He has a great head of hair that is really curly, and a personality of a comedian and prince combined.  I am really thankful that God placed this young man in my life.  He is a southern boy.  He has a strong accent and he says so many great one liners.  I have a ball when I am hanging out with him.  He really is one of the nicest guys I have ever met.  The best thing is I have developed a new friend down here that I can hang out with on the weekends, go eat with, and play Xbox with at night.  I get to hang out with this incredible guy with great manners who is very polite.  He takes after his mom.  Seth and I have had many good times with Jay.  We've had so many laughs and chuckles and also many serious moments.  I'm really getting to know Jay and his heart.  I can't explain it.  Trying to disciple him has rewarded me more that I thought.  It has showed me that this guy really likes me and Seth and we can open up with each other and share our hearts.  Another sweet thing is Jay started going to Angelo's with us on Thursdays.  Angelo is the guy that has set up an inner city ministry with kids that are struggling in todays world.  Jay jumped right in.  He really seems to enjoy himself and the other guys seemed to like him, too.  It is amazing that Seth and I have a great friend down here that we can hang out with.  I am very excited for Thursday.  Seth and I are going to pick up Jay and do a devotional, have some prayer, and just talk.  Then we're going to Angelo's.  We are also going to go pick up ministry supplies for Church because I have discipleship this weekend. 

Discipling is going to be great!  What is going to happen is we are meeting at church on Friday and we are breaking up and spending the weekend at this guy's house.  It is going to be me and the high school boys.  It is going to be a fun filled weekend, but also a great time for me to teach and reach these boys.  I am truly excited to dig in deep with these boys and really find out who they are and what I can do to help these guys in their walk with the Lord.  I am doing five teaching lessons and one-on-one sessions with them.  We'll play some cards…… UNO is coming, along with some other board games.  So I am ready for a weekend filled with Gods love and no sleep! 

Things are going well with me down here.  I really miss my friends and family.  I was talking with Seth this morning about our friends and all the good times I have had with them.  I love them all and miss them.  About a week ago, I had a conversation with one of my best friends.  His name is Sam and I met this guy in the 4^th grade.  To this day he still plays a big role in my life and is a great influence on me.  He is a great encourager and very humble and fun to be around.  I have a big old smile on my face right now just thinking of him.  Sam, I love you and can't wait to see you again.   

I'm busy in the office right now.  I am still mobilizing the mission team from the office, and working with Pam Roth, who by the way really encourages me.  She really helps me, and is a great lady.  I am still hammering out those emails and phone calls and I have a few interviews today.  I am really excited.  I love everyone and am thinking of you all and praying for each one of you. 

I am currently listening to The Beach Boys and I think those guys just get me in the mood to type a small book.  Thanks for reading this, and keeping me in your prayers. 

I have had a lot of things on my mind the past few months. I have wondered when I go back to Minnesota if I will stop pursuing God. Not just go to church and Thursday night meetings, but really have a close relationship with Him. I can see myself going back and getting out of the swing of things. I do not want to put God second, but I can see how that could happen. I don't just want to say I am a believer. I want to be able to show people and my friends through my actions. However, I don't want my actions to contradict my beliefs. They would be like how can you do "this" and be called a Christian. I have had many wonderful talks with my friends about it. But even thinking about that scares me for what could happen in the future. I am not scared about making bad choices with them; I am scared that I could possibly place God second in my life. I do not want that to happen. There are so many things that I want to do when I get back. Get a job. Enroll in some kind of schooling, and really invest in my friends. If I show God's love to them, encourage them, pray for them, and hang out with them, it's going to help me keep on track. Some of my good friends I have only known for about four years, but I have established that they are really good people. We can talk about anything. They get jacked up when we get together and play Halo all night. My mission is going to be getting them jacked up to learn more about God. That would be the greatest thing ever. I really want to be a good influence on them and be that one person that really cares about them.

Things have been hectic lately, I am missing something in my life right now, but I do not know what it is. I have talked to a lot of people about it, but it is really bugging me now. Pray that I can find out what it is. Something is not making me whole right now. Otherwise, things are going well. My staff skin infection is looking better as the days go on, and my really bad headaches are going away. I am still playing the good old Xbox 360. I started playing in the pro-circuit recently. Our clan is called DaFirm. They are guys I have played Halo 2 and Halo 3 with. Right now we are ranked 43^rd in the world. That is the highest ranking we have ever had. We have a really strong team with about 16 guys from all over the world, including Ireland , New York , Oregon , etc. Here is a link to our team stats: http://gamebattles.com/xbox360/halo3/team/DaFirm

My name on the member list is l Caleb l The cool thing is right now there is 5,000 teams in the pro-circuit, and the top 100 are going to get money as a team for the team to decide how to use it. The top 50 teams get sponsored by someone, and we are talking with sponsors at the moment. The top 16 teams are the official Pro teams, that is our goal. It has been a really good stress reliever for me down here, and I love to play. I have had many good conversations with my teammates about what I am doing in Georgia . I've been talking to them about God, and I have had a good response to it. I can show God's love there as well. Right now we are putting together a montage (best of clips of me playing Halo) and we are trying to make the Top 16. We're shopping around to find someone who will sponsor us and pay for our tournaments and gear. But the cool thing is God has played a big role in this. Because I have been so busy down here I have been only able to play in about half of the matches, but the team has understood, and it have been really helpful. Maybe God wants me to show his love over Xbox live? I have thought about it, and it makes sense to me! I am on it all the time and I am good at talking to people and strangers. Why not bring God into the conversation? I am good at sneaking him in without people knowing we are talking about him. So that's what is going on right now in my life. Pretty exciting if I do say so myself. I am looking forward to Friday. Josh and Jeremy Gross are sleeping over, and that means Halo 3 all night. And I am fine with that. Here is a Bible verse that really caught my eye. Colossians 3:12
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." That really sticks out to me, whether I am playing Halo, hanging out with friends, or just doing life. God bless you. P.S. Tonight we have 3 matches on Xbox Live for the Pro Circuit, I will be playing in only 1 because I will be gone at Angelo's at that time.  If we win all 3 then we should make top 30.  I am playing at 9pm EST

What is my Purpose in Life?

I tend to ask myself this question a lot. I am trying to figure out what my purpose is. What should I do with my life? What should my faith look like? I have no idea. Some say let God lead you to where you need to go. Others say you can pick your job, spouse, house, and car… but can I pick my faith? What I put in is what I am going to get out. I have heard that a lot from people I respect. However, how do I know what's right for me? Prayer, asking people, reading, that all sounds good. But let's say I decide to do what I want to do… a four-year degree in criminal justice. I can do a lot of things with that degree. Does that mean I am ignoring God? If I am doing what I want to do, then it's possible that it's not what God wants me to do.

I was talking to a guy last night that I really look up to. He asked me, " What does Caleb look like in five years?" Wow! If I see myself five years from now I envision a guy that is respected, a man with a strong faith, a man with a steady job, and wisdom. But I have hurt some people growing up, and have lost respect with some of them. Those people remember me from seven years ago, instead of now. I need to earn back that respect. I have a strong faith, so I think. But I know it can be stronger. I can read the Bible more, pray more, and dig into life more. I really have never had a steady job, although I have worked at one place for almost a year. I can improve in this area by working hard and not giving up so easily. Wisdom, I have some now. I have experienced many things in my life. I feel like I can talk to people and tell them what happened to me, or talk to kids that are going through something similar.

But the biggest thing that I am struggling with is forgiving myself. There are some things that I can't seem to forgive myself of… even though I know God forgives me. One thing that comes to mind is my brother Micah. I was so nice to him when he was younger. Then, when we became older we started fighting. It increased, along with the teasing. I did not encourage Micah like I should have. I pressed his buttons and he pressed mine. I was not the type of older brother that I should have been. Then, my cousin Joshua came along. He was the greatest guy to Micah. He hung out with him and encouraged him. He treated him like a brother. I could see Micah so happy. Then one night it was over. Josh died. I still get mad at God that he took Josh away from us. Why? Why did this have to happen? Then I ask myself why Levi gets terrible migraines! Why does this beautiful little child get these. I used to pray to God that I would get the migraines instead. I would rather have them, and throw up, and be sick, than to see my little brother get them. I would do anything to help Micah be happy and put more faith in God. I don't think I am the best at showing my brothers how much I love them. I would rather die than have them die. I would rather lose a job than have them lose a job. I would rather be poor so they can be rich. I would rather they have a happy and fulfilling life if that meant that I couldn't.

Everything happens for a reason. It is God's plan. He knows the next move. But, I am sorry for all the hurt I put Micah through. He never deserved it. We had many good times, but way too many bad ones. I had a great time with him over Christmas. I had some alone time with him and that helped. I do want to say to my brothers, if they read this, that I love you guys and I am sorry for every time I have hurt you. When I get home, I am going to show you how much I love and care for you. It's crazy to see how much I love my family when I am away from them. How much you appreciate them when they are not there. It's like you don't pay attention to them when you are there, and when you're gone your mind seems to blow up. Something is missing in my life right now and I don't know what it is. I hope I can find out soon. I want to live my life to the fullest potential. I want people to think of me as someone who did something with his life. As someone who cares. I have a lifetime ahead of me to build a new legacy. My new journey of faith begins today.